Bridal Club Magazine
Mid-Engagement Crisis
The other day, I had a fascinating revelation. Being engaged has
pushed me into a pre-marriage early mid-life crisis. I've even gone
so far as to pull out the music that I listened to when I was
twelve - Paula Abdul, Milli Vanilli… You name it, I can be found
dancing through my apartment to it.
And suddenly, I realized what was going on: I was trying to
enjoy my youth while I still could. Somehow, as soon as that ring
was on my finger, I felt my youth slipping away. I've even caught
myself wearing wool cardigans! When, I wondered, did I get this
old? Then I looked down, and there it was - that diamond ring.
Oh, no! I thought. I'm growing up! I'm getting married! Teenage
waiters will soon be justified in calling me Ma'am! Aaaarg! I can't
do this! I made such a good young, single chick! I'm a Toys 'R' Us
kid, for crying out loud!
Just yesterday (well, more like last month), I was such a crazy,
carefree girl (or at least that's how I remember it). Then I looked
in the mirror one morning, and I saw an old, fat woman in a
cardigan sweater - a woman whose greatest concern at that
particular moment was which flatware pattern would be more
user-friendly.
Thus, in order to regress even more into a twelve-year-old
state, I - like all other crisis-ridden brides-to-be - have started
my pre-wedding diet.
As if I weren't stressed-out and miserable enough! Now I'm
trying to find the perfect reception hall all by myself - without
chocolate! I've eaten more bananas than I ever thought possible.
And all of my meals contain a combination of the following
ingredients: pasta, canned peas (cold), lettuce, curry, seasoned
salt, and Fat Free Honey Dijon Salad Dressing.
But I'm convinced that, by the time I go on my honeymoon, I'll
look fabulous in some butt-baring shorts and a tiny little cropped
top. And maybe Paul will even get arrested for illegally marrying a
twelve-year-old (wouldn't that be cool?).
When I was in high school, I worked in a bridal shop, and I was
always amazed by the brides who came in. They were all so crazed
and frantic.
Suddenly, I understand completely.